Leather Notebook

My name is Scarlette (formerly Courtney) and this is mostly made up of my scribblings, some of that are very personal, because I've led a pretty crazy life and want other people reading to take comfort in that they are not alone. I also want people to feel free to message me with their problems. Please remember that you're not alone and there's people out there that would love to listen to your story, and would listen to the entire thing. Thank you for reading, have a fantastic day, & don't be shy about saying hello.

I do my very best to write one poem in the morning and one in the evening every day at the very least, but often times I'll end up with much more.

Please read my life story HERE to better understand my writing.

Sep 21

hello everyone i would just like to thank you all for supporting me in messages and also in silence, by reading my writing and making me feel like it has some worth. by making me feel like i have some worth. i think i’m coming into the highs of this disorder and will be ok for awhile. thank you for loving me even when i become cryptic. thank you for reading my writing regardless of the mood. thank you for understanding when i become very sad. thank you thank you thank you.

They amputated
your thighs off my hips.
As far as I’m concerned
they are all surgeons. All of them.

They dismantled us
each from the other.
As far as I’m concerned
they are all engineers. All of them.

A pity. We were such a good
and loving invention.
An airplane made from a man and wife.
Wings and everything.
We hovered a little above the earth.

We even flew a little.

“A Pity. We Were Such A Good Invention,” Yehuda Amichai  (via beautyisanillusion)

(via alonesomes)

i want to live in a little house with plants all over, with bright quirky walls and an old creaky tea set in the cupboards. i’ll paint portraits of strangers and write books that no one will see or read and take daily walks by the ocean. there is a cloud of great sadness over my head but i don’t think i could live without my melancholy. and if no one can love my melancholy, then that’s fine too, i have always preferred solitude anyway. i dream in black and white with bursts of color — it has always been that way.

Sep 17
tried on this cute dress and cardigan from f21. bought it.

tried on this cute dress and cardigan from f21. bought it.

Sep 16

I am looking for you between the teeth of strangers,
opening up the stomachs of lovers, searching for buried treasure and finding
nothing but tangled organs,
I’m looking for you in the light in their eyes,
trying to find you somewhere on their rounded hips.
There’s nothing here for me. Their kisses taste like copper punches
and they don’t have the same floral scent that
you carried around with you on your wrist.

My mother used to tell me not to look for ghosts but
I still hear her voice when I’m home alone and it doesn’t scare me.
She’s gone and you’re gone but
I still feel your fingers on my spine in the middle of the night
and it doesn’t scare me.

I am looking for you on trains and in alleyways,
in mirrors, in coffee shop corners,
comparing every curve to yours,
comparing every ache to yours.
Wild horses and wolves. The sky and the sea.

We collapsed and burned a long time ago,
as quick as the second it took you to exhale those words, even quicker when
I finally understood the lines on your face.
1,2,3, your breathing caught my pulse
and crushed it into the dust.
1, I saw. I turned to blood.

As the walls fell, you said you were sorry.
I am always saying sorry
to every girl that has come after you.
I wonder if you meant it like I mean it.

I’m still on fire and it doesn’t scare me.
I still love you and it doesn’t scare me.

The Fall of Rome || Scarlette La Vaillante (via scarlettethewriter)

Anonymous said: you are demonizing men by saying that. stupid fucking feminazi. not at all men are dangerous. some of us are nice guys.

Listen here, sir. I am not demonizing all men. It’s such a common thing for both men and women to be terrified when they’re in a group of men, to walk at night alone, to not dress too provocatively so that they aren’t fucking “asking for it”, like so many people love to say. Victim blaming is common and traumatic.

Listen here. If a person is attacked by a dog and traumatized by it, do we blame the victim for their fear? Of course we don’t. Because who fucking does that?

I was abused and raped from the time I’ve been little up until last year. Is my fear not valid? Every time I’m alone with a man I’m scared he’ll spike my drink. Every time I walk past a group of men, I get flashbacks and my chest literally burns and aches from the fear. Does that mean it’s 100% going to happen? Does that mean every man is a menace? No it doesn’t. But it could. But he might be. I have the right to be safe. I don’t have to trust every man I meet because they might happen to be a nice guy. They might just not be. EVERYONE has the right to be wary of other people.

Is my fear not valid? Are every person that has been abused by a man sometime in their life fears not valid? If you were attacked by something and became cautious, would you blame yourself?

Get your head out of your ass. You are vomiting ignorance. Realize it’s not personal. Be empathetic. Realize everything is not about your feelings.

Sep 15

reminder for women and men: if other men make you uncomfortable do not feel bad for it. if you clutch your keys every time you walk past a group of men and the entire time you are thinking of how to defend yourself should they attack you, it’s not your fault. you don’t owe any explanations for your fear. if they catcall and when you don’t respond, call you a bitch, DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. keep yourself safe. you owe no one the comprise of your safety so that they don’t feel like an asshole. don’t let anyone make you feel like a bad person for being cautious. be wary. be safe.

Anonymous said: I want to take you to a field of flowers and show them how pretty you are <3

hold my hand and let me give you cheek kisses, you sweet person you

Anonymous said: *punches wall* YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY

your aggressive kindness is so cute like i don’t know how to deal ugh thank yoU, YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS AND BEAUTY AND LAUGHTER and i truly hope you have all of that

Sep 14


i love you

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