Leather Notebook

My name is Scarlette (formerly Courtney) and this is mostly made up of my scribblings, some of that are very personal, because I've led a pretty crazy life and want other people reading to take comfort in that they are not alone. I also want people to feel free to message me with their problems. Please remember that you're not alone and there's people out there that would love to listen to your story, and would listen to the entire thing. Thank you for reading, have a fantastic day, & don't be shy about saying hello.

I do my very best to write one poem in the morning and one in the evening every day at the very least, but often times I'll end up with much more.

Please read my life story HERE to better understand my writing.

Jul 22

yep it’s official, bought my plane ticket. leaving two days before my birthday to LA, California. i’ll be living on Sunset Boulevard, ten minutes away from Santa Monica beach. if u know me then u know how much i love the ocean. i can pick up surfing again. is this real life or????

Anonymous said: When I see a gorgeous unique beautiful girl like you walk by I always cant help but glance at you, and when I say a girl like you I mean the ones walking around with art apon their skin and magic in their eyes, I melt and fangirl, wishing you'd notice me.

i guarantee you are noticed, love. you’re so darling.

Jul 21
“And don’t you ever get tired of building fortresses
around your hands and feet?
Don’t you ever want to rip your skin open
and expose every single palpitating, moving force
inside of your body?
Don’t you ever want to drown someone?
Don’t you ever want to drown in someone?
Don’t you ever just want to say, “Fuck it, I am”?
There’s an ocean in you.
There’s a forest fire in you.
You’re fighting the elements,
you’re fighting God,
and jesus, doesn’t it hurt?
Doesn’t it burn?
You feel like you’re losing it, don’t you?
You feel like you’re being swallowed
one limb at a time, don’t you?”
The Tempest Is Asleep || Scarlette La Vaillante

Jul 19

Anonymous said: I believe you and I think you are brave and wonderful and reading your writing has saved me from suicide many sad nights

that’s not a tear in my eye. it’s the ocean. oh my god, love. you are so precious and sweet. i hope you know how priceless you are. message me off anon sometime okay? i would like to talk to you.

Anonymous said: you are one of those people that you meet and never forget. part of your beauty is your understanding and kindness, even to those that don't show you the same. if i were to come across you in life i would believe you are an angel.

speechless. thank you so much.

Anonymous said: I don't believe your life story. You probably have a great home life and you just want people to feel sorry for you. Your mom probably isn't even dead. You're too pretty to have it tough.

Well, I just want you to know that the way you are acting is part of the reason why I didn’t go to the police until I was 17. Is why I didn’t talk about anything that happened to me for two years. Is why I am still afraid to tell new people about my life and resort to lies sometimes.

Too pretty to have it tough? What you look like has nothing to do with how unlucky in life you’ve been. Being attractive doesn’t automatically make people love you or take care of you.

My life was horrible, it’s true, but there’s people out there with worse lives. And somewhere in this world someone has experienced the things I have and they’re probably scared to death that no one will believe them, so they keep it to themselves to suit another persons candy cane reality.

You DO NOT. You talk about it. You cry about it. You bleed it out. Don’t ever keep it to yourself because another person is cynical that bad things happen.

People have a habit of not talking about bad things that happen to them. Keeping it to yourself doesn’t make you brave, or make it go away. Talking about it doesn’t mean you want attention or you are feeling sorry for yourself.

You deserve to have someone listen to you. Maybe no ones ever listened to you before.

The first time someone genuinely listened to me and believed me, I sobbed, I mean I cried harder than I ever have, because I almost didn’t believe there were people who could love me.

I don’t know you, Anonymous. I don’t know what your life has been like but I hope you are happy. You don’t have to believe me, that’s okay. Just remember not to judge people, no matter how well you think you know them.

Jul 17

I am looking for you between the teeth of strangers,
opening up the stomachs of lovers, searching for buried treasure and finding
nothing but tangled organs,
I’m looking for you in the light in their eyes,
trying to find you somewhere on their rounded hips.
There’s nothing here for me. Their kisses taste like copper punches
and they don’t have the same floral scent that
you carried around with you on your wrist.

My mother used to tell me not to look for ghosts but
I still hear her voice when I’m home alone and it doesn’t scare me.
She’s gone and you’re gone but
I still feel your fingers on my spine in the middle of the night
and it doesn’t scare me.

I am looking for you on trains and in alleyways,
in mirrors, in coffee shop corners,
comparing every curve to yours,
comparing every ache to yours.
Wild horses and wolves. The sky and the sea.

We collapsed and burned a long time ago,
as quick as the second it took you to exhale those words, even quicker when
I finally understood the lines on your face.
1,2,3, your breathing caught my pulse
and crushed it into the dust.
1, I saw. I turned to blood.

As the walls fell, you said you were sorry.
I am always saying sorry
to every girl that has come after you.
I wonder if you meant it like I mean it.

I’m still on fire and it doesn’t scare me.
I still love you and it doesn’t scare me.

The Fall of Rome || Scarlette La Vaillante

Jul 16

i actually love moving because i enjoy reinventing myself. i like the idea of being whoever i want in a new environment. maybe in another universe i am an actress. i like not knowing anyone, i like being a little lost. the unknown doesn’t frighten me at all. my entire life has been about uncertainty. i see it more as a fresh canvas that i get to paint.

quitting my job and leaving to California for an uncertain future next month and i’m v excited for it.

Jul 15

Anonymous said: You live in Fort Worth right? I think I saw you at enchanted forest looking at the books today. God you're beautiful. I was scared to come say hi and regret it now :(

Yes I was there today! I wish you would’ve said hello. I don’t bite. :) Small world man

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